The Romance is Dead

“Epic feeling, having this feeling of a lifetime after a lifetime of lifetimes and I don’t even know how it started but it’s amazing. It’s like all my wishes and desires are being fulfilled this very moment. This breaking apart bed is taking it all, my green checked blanket is falling off, I see this amazing sexy girl right in front of me she gets up revealing all that she’s got. She’s leaning towards me, I can feel her soft cold skin as if she were a ghost; I close my eyes as I presume she is going to kiss me; I hear a buzzer sound. I open my eyes and see that this gorgeous female that I can only fathom;  is opening and closing her mouth giving a buzzer sound. “

“Good morning sunshine”, stupid alarm”

My room is a mess, white wall turned brownish black, books and clothes having a one night stand, windows open with the A/C switched on in full swing, fan is on, the bathroom door is open, the computer is downloading something on its own (which is a very weird thing to see), my underwear is in my shoe and I slept in my jeans with my t shirt off and I have the goose bumps all over my body and I am having the biggest freaking boner right now!

I get up, see my phone and see 26 missed calls and thirty two messages. I know who it is from so I throw my phone and head to the washroom. Freshen up, switch everything off and well simply get out. I come back again and take a look at my computer; the screen is all black and says: “DOWNLOADING GIZMO PACK XXX-11”, the computer is stuck so I chuck the fact of breaking my head over it. I see that no one is at home so I look at my phone and see that its Neha’s amalgamation of concern and over abundance of my money in my pocket and quintessential love. I call her home.

She arrives and see’s my room and it’s in a mess and she tells “no not here” with a big smile, I ask her why? She replies: “There is underwear in your shoe and your bed smells”. I am stoned, I reply: Baby, you haven’t even smelt my bed and so what if there is underwear in my shoe? You’re going to see one anyway!” She counters me: “Let’s go to your parent’s room babe, its big, “clean” and thrilling”, Stoned again I ask: “Why is it thrilling?” She ridicules: “Well your parents don’t know what happened on the bed they are sleeping on”, I have no words to spare.

We start and we do the usual, removing the clothes, smothering each other with love, just then when she was on me she stopped, “Okay, Chalo (Lets go) there is a sale in Spencer’s mall and its 70% off, you promised me last week that you’d buy, let’s go come, come, I’m wearing my t shirt you put on yours and lets go before your parents get here, before the sale is off. Come!!”  

“Could this day get any worse?” I wonder…

We close the house and leave, as we start, the Bai (Maid) calls me and ask me for the house keys to clean the house and dishes. I give it to her, she brings along a guy, and she said she told my mom that she brought him to lend a helping hand. I called up mom and it’s true. So I’m off again to suffer the wrath of shopping.

We are on the way to the mall and she just can’t shut up, I like her and I think she’s gorgeous but her mouth is unbearable.

  1. 1.       Reha bought this top for 699/- and she says its 5k can you believe that bullshit?
  2. 2.       Jasmeet is going to propose gurmeet at the navy ball, how cute is that?
  3. 3.       Baby have a bath next time
  4. 4.       Let’s go to sheetal’s place and chill?
  5. 5.       I’m hungry
  6. 6.       Let’s go someplace quiet
  7. 7.       Baby

 “We reached!”

We shop and she sees her ex-boyfriend buying some t-shirt beside the top’s she wanted to buy. She meets him, she introduces him to me, and we glare and give out our fake smiles. She asks me to select the top and buy; she was catching up with her “ex”, pretty cool. I buy it and ask her if we can go, she ends up taking 10 pictures with him, still cool. We leave and she can’t stop talking about her ex. Give me a break!

I get a call and its mom.

“I want you to come home right now!” (Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned)

I know it’s pretty serious so I decide to drop Neha home and rush home.

“Take care babe, oh ya; I forgot to wear my bra babe I left it at your place can you pick it up later?”

I feel like hitting this woman but I can’t. I now know mother’s rage.

I go back home and dad and mom; glare at me, she asks me to go inside the room and I see the sports bra on the landline. She pounces on me with all kinds of questions, and asks me one straight faced question: “Who is the girl?”

 “BAI” (MAID)”

“Both my parents: WHAT??

IS THIS THE SON I HAVE RAISED?

I reply, “No, no, no mom; the Bai came in with a guy and they had the house to themselves… “

Mom: “Oh really? She has the money to wear a sports bra? “

Me:”Mom, you pay her 6k per month why won’t she afford a sports bra?”

Mom:”Let me call her!”

She calls her up and talks to her:

Mom: Rina, is it true that you and your helper did something in my room?

MAID: Madam, sorry madam I didn’t mean to, I’ll never do it again!

Mom: How dare you do such a thing in my house, don’t you ever come here again!

MAID: Madam, I’ll return your Mon…”

The line is cut.

“I’m sorry beta (Son)

“It’s alright mom, misunderstandings happen”

“Let me get rid of it”

I go to my room, and I see a notification on my phone, a facebook notification: Neha Sharma tagged me in her photo with her ex in Spencer’s mall having a caption, “Together with my baby again”. No more stoned, serious action taking time.

I call her up.

“Neha”

“Hey baby, kya hua?(What happened?)

“What’s up with the photo you tagged me in?”

“Oh that… hey did you get my bra?”

“I asked you something…Never mind; this thing is done”

“What is?”

“US, it’s over.”

“Why,  are you broke?”

“Yes”

“Why are you leaving me, we were special…”

The wining did not stop until,

“At least give back the t-shirt I gave you, I’ll give it to Rahul”

I reply: “Neha, you are too cute”

The line is cut.

I see that the BAI (MAID) came home and returned some money.

My mom in her fury did not ask her anything, but screamed.

“YOU TOOK MY MONEY AS WELL YOU THIEF? GET OUT OF HERE!”

She scrams.

I fear the worst has passed.

Wrong, yet again.

My dad calls me to my room.

“I know you people go through this hormonal thing, but try to fight it! What is this nonsense on your computer? You leave it open, never do that! What if your mother sees’s it? Keep your naughty side inside Beta (Son).”

He leaves and I sit in front of my system.

“GIZMO PACK XXX-11 is a huge folder containing valuable and high quality pornography.”  I think to myself, how did this come to me? , anyway I had such a fucked up day, wonder what tomorrow beckons me. For now let’s relax and enjoy.

 Finito 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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