There are a series of waves which I cannot overcome. The sand beneath my feet is sinking and I am trying to clinch it as tight as I can. I have never experienced fear like this. The wave is pulling me in. Stuck between the shore and the sea, is this how I am meant to live? Is this how I am meant to die? Is there any solace in what I am doing?
So here I am, trying to find ground. I try to run but the water is too difficult to swim through and even if I touch the ground I rub across the slippery pebbles and I sink. I can feel a sense of warmth around me. My body is trying to survive; it’s trying to propel itself into the unknown. But the sad part is when I’m trying to survive my mind is showing me these vague memories of my family, the good times with my friends, the times with my girl; all the things as if my body is trying to comfort me and asking me to relax while all the muscles take care of the movement. This is it; this is the moment where my body and mind are trying to LIVE.
I get pulled in even more and I finally find a rock, a solid marble stone you could say and was holding on. I could feel the wave pull me in; I could feel the current flow through my veins. I am submerged, there are thunderous sounds surrounded by clouds of bubbles. My vision is all blurred and only a maroon-dark rock I was holding on to was visible. I wish I had 10 fingers to cling on to but it was like a villain plucking off each finger that was happening with me. The last finger was feeling the soul of the rock. As if the rock was holding on to the ground in-turn catching on to me, weeping, sweating it out. Sadly that was not the case, the rock was home to some creature and there was no point holding on to the rock because I would drag it along with me in the ocean. So I left him, he may mourn me but I left the rock and I sunk myself into the raging waves and mixed currents of the ocean.
This was a horrible feeling. This was the feeling of death! My eyes got used to the blur of the water that I could see what was happening to me. I was beneath the pretty skirts of the waves as if I was being washed in a washing machine. I’m scared not because of the dark abyss below but for the fact that I feel so light and free and I am not used to such an atmosphere because I’ve lived my life to the fullest thinking that the ground beneath my feet was the end all and be all of all things.
The current makes me venture into the ocean as I sink deeper I see the light fading my eyes; I see her in the lighter side of the ocean, she’s sinking with me. Her black long hair flowing as the current brushes past her face, her white perfect body glowing in the black and blue, those earthly brown eyes staring into my very soul calling me out to leave this vessel of pain and join her in the heavenly stars, I float in this emptiness as this strange current pulls me closer to her. I try to reach out to her, this is maddening because she might be my apparition but I’m going to die anyway so how does it matter? I put in everything I have to reach out and touch her, but that goes in vein; she just bubbles away.
There is pain in my chest; my lungs have shrunken to an unimaginable extent. There is nothing left for me but to let my body succumb to the water. I can feel the water coming towards the eye and the tear duct, that last desperate attempt to let go of my fear. The time has come. My body is prepared.
As I close my eyes I feel the weight of the faintish feeling and as I open my mouth, I feel a huge thud at the back of my head. Is this what death feels like? Does it start like this? I blackout and let go as I hear whaling noises. Finally I am done.