There is a fine line between being angry for something and just being angry. The latter means you have issues in the body.
Don’t think that you know any better, that you know the world. First, accept the fact that you are a little part of it always, no matter how big you get. Second, its not always dark and grim, try making yourself happy sometimes and that does not include just the joystick you got down there! You need to see the light instead of sleeping. Third, there are other forces that are bigger than you, its called: humility.
Don’t become an old kook, a philosopher. Live young, free and full of curiosity.
A lie could get you out of a situation within seconds, but it would leave a permanent mark for a lifetime. There have been many instances where I lied to get myself out of situations. Because all we need is an immediate solution to our problems right?
Today, I’m not a big fan of that option. Lying has changed my world for the worst. I feel like I’ve lost many things including the people who’ve meant the most to me. I wish I could go back in time and tell her that “baby, I love you, alright! We’ve been best friends and you and I know there is something more to that but now its time to break the ice!”. Yeah, we all wish we could bring back that moment. I guess I was scared, I wasn’t mature enough to accept situations and certainties.
But now I am. Since the past few years, I’ve been in a rehabilitation for liers, I’ve told the truth even if it led me into troubles, led me to being made fun off or to people thinking I’m weird. This rehab has a long way to go. Nobody can go without the petty lies, but its the big ones I try to avoid. It hurts when your caught, I was caught stealing money from my dad when I was a teenager. Yeah, I admit it. I was a rotten confused rebellious teenager giving my parents nightmares. But when caught, it made me realise life’s biggest lessons; that lying is not the right way, it leads to countless other lies and things such as theft, arguments and mistrust. Trust me, its not the best place you would want yourself to be in.
People make mistakes, but its our choice if we want to learn from them. I sure as hell did. If I wouldn’t have lied. If I wouldn’t have been afraid, I would have been with a beautiful person by now and my life would have been a whole lot different. But, you can’t live in the past.
The truth may cause pain but at least you know that it’s the right thing to do!
It’s ok to cry sometimes. It may be for the most stupid of reasons or the most traumatizing moments of your life. But it’s really ok to cry. When I was small, I always hesitated to cry; thinking it would make me feel weak or that I was considered weak. Living alone, having come all this way facing unprecedented challenges which may include family, friends and my mistakes. I have come to a conclusion, which would ease my pain at the moment. And it is, “Get ready to face more pal“.
If you are going to cave in and chicken out, you are going to end up doing it repeatedly. When will it stop? When will it end? You can prevent that by facing the situation in the now. No, you don’t need any books or people to give you encouragement. At the end of the day, it is you and you alone who has to face the darkness and come out of it. Your decision may be based on many people’s opinions, but it is that end feeling before you make your decision that is truly based on your emotions and logical understanding; nobody else.
Hell, I think I am lonely in life. No shame in saying that. I have experienced situations where I almost cracked up. I was an inch from jumping off my balcony from the fourth floor. Yes, but in some circumstances I haven’t cracked up. It’s difficult to explain. It’s a process of taking in the situation, feeling that violent surge of negative impulse and finally letting it go.
It’s alright to cry, to feel weak and helpless. It is only then that you realise there is more to life than just this one incident.
(It’s breakfast time for the young ones)
What’s so great about a beautiful 5 am stroll? It’s a question to myself and myself will answer that question.
The air, this breathable air is at its purest at that time. It’s good for your lungs, for it to recover from the previous day’s pollution. You find the most annoying of dust filled roads to be the calmest of seas for a sailor like me whos is trying to find some meaning with all this water that is around him. The cold winter mist in the morning is such a beautiful site. A blanket of winter mist covering the entire city reminding us of our mortality against the bitter cold that nature has to offer at this time of the year. But these are all feelings of a stroller who can only witness and feel these moments only because he is up to witness them in the first place.
You could learn a lot at 5 in the morning. The dogs huddle up and sleep as they huddle up to protect their territory from other dogs. They share the warmth amongst them without any hesitation, a mother would not only feed her puppies but of another as well. Acceptance is a very rare quality often misunderstood as silence or weakness. The birds of the early morn prepare to feed and be fed as their fruite of labor is their source of survival. So are the other animals such as squirrels, cows and insects who wake to go about their own business at the start of the day.
Have you ever seen an animal oversleep? They are connected to this planet. Rising as the earth rises with the dawn of the sun.
As I walk on these ghostly streets comforted by a jacket of old, have I answered my question correctly? I don’t know. But I’m satisfied with what I’ve learnt during the process. That’s the key to everything, including life.
I’m just sitting here waiting for my food to be served before I go to school. Moms not in a good mood today, she’s serving me just milk and toasted bread. It’s her wedding anniversary. I can see the sadness oozing out like she were a wrecked ship bleeding with moss. I can feel that pain, that throbbing pain in the heart reminding you how difficult life is at times and as a kid you get to understand that life’s not fair to any side but a reminder or more like a disturbed reflection due to the ripples in the pond that it’s what you make of it; these decisions individuals make that determine what happens with their lives.
Two out of five toasts are burnt. It’s worse than I thought. It’s maddening, she’s still smiling at me, expecting me to eat it and understand that she is in pain. Why? Those black eyes pull me in as If I was sucked into a deep hole of no return with only misery for company. I finish my breakfast with disgust. She ensures that I take my meal and I get on the pick up vehicle. I kiss dad as he leaves for work, mom accompanies me to the vehicle.
I get on it, placing myself at the usual window seat. I can’t help but think looking at my mother’s face, she’s smiling and waving me goodbye. I felt a surge of strength and willingness to be brave. A day can always have a bad beginning but it doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way forever. I figured out that we can turn things around at any moment, just by believing in yourself. Maybe my mother’s sad today, but it doesn’t mean she will tomorrow. I have the power to change that. I ask the driver to stop, pushing the other kids sliding my butts on their thighs and jumping out.
The driver stopped the vehicle and because of that I had to take a tumble or more like a leap of faith. It hurts and I feel like crying but I stop. The house isn’t far from here, I start running. The driver shouts at me and starts the engine following me. I guess he knows I’m heading home so he races ahead of me.
I’m exhausted and tear eyed. I see my mom and the driver with all the kids in the vehicle. She looks at me with horror and comes towards me. She embraces me not with anger but with care. She examines me to find nothing but bruises on my palms and asks the reason behind all this. I hug her and speak into her ear, ” You don’t have to be sad from now on, il make you happy mummy; I’m not afraid of the dark anymore.”
I couldn’t see her face but with the intensity of the hug, I could make out that not only did I make her day but for her entire life to come.
We’d die for the women we love.
So here I am, writing finally because I kept backspacing all the poetic lines before this post. Trying to find a job all so that I can buy myself an electric guitar. It’s great you know, when you look at it from the outside, this guy can write, sing, do poetry, play an instrument, take good pictures, has a knack for the creative things in life. That’s all great you know but I just can’t figure out where I’m heading. Meaning I’m good at whatever I do and if I’m not il slog my ass off to do better but its just this tough road that I’m on. Everytime I feel like giving up, something deep inside me mysteriously tells me: “you listen up boy, your going to bring about a change and your going to be there where people would appreciate your work!’ But that is so hard to believe. I trust myself, dream big and I’m a hard worker.
Well sometimes I’m like fuck yeah, I don’t give a fuck I’m going to ram through that wall. But at times I’m like, ouch that hurts man!
I can make myself better. I can do things, I have that urge to go out there and make them happen. Got to work harder, extra harder. Let my anger fuel my focus and concentrate on the moment.
I want to live my life to the fullest, and the best part is I haven’t started yet.
A funny story, this song has as the backbone. It was raining and I was in the room just playing my guitar. Just then, lightning had struck somewhere and the power went out. I was scared, with me being the only one at home. So I just sang, i sang until nothing scared me.