I wake up to this tiring morning
As i battle myself in my sleep
But is it because that’s my calling?
That i rather fight than weep
Righteous are the people who do good to others
But mighty are those, who do good to themselves
I get up from bed everyday to wonder about this strange noise in my house. This noise is so disturbing that it has me up from bed at such an early hour. This noise is the sound of nothingness, no screaming, no sound whatsoever. Its peaceful yet shocking for a person who constantly lives in an environment full of chaos and constant conversations. If you were to live all by yourself; it can be the biggest turning point in your life and the most biggest achievement as well. Well that’s my take on being independent. Its painfully fun.
So i get up with this noise of nothingness and weird enough i can hear my thoughts echoing! I go about my daily chores, the conversations with people and doing what ever i can during a normal day. But today it felt a bit strange. It all came to me that a scared kid who was afraid of the dark, who lived lavishly at the comfort of his home is on his own in this new city and this small little apartment. I kind of smiled looking at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth. To be honest, sometimes the days go without any contact from the outside world. The walls sink in and you get choked up from within. But those are quiet rare when the “joblessness” phase just makes a small visit. The silver lining is that i’m going to get busy as hell from the coming week. But as a phase that is ending, i look back and wonder at myself in that position. I compare myself with and without people and its something I’ve never seen before. The days are so simple, they are completely normal and its not worth talking about as well but i never had normal days, it was always doing this or doing that. Guess its a shocker for me.
In the lows of this “phase” without sound i agree to have fallen for the thought provoking ideas of being a loner. But then again i have people who ping me and it reminds me that these are illusions of my own making. I don’t look at this silent weekend as a dampener of moods but realize as a solid break after a hectic schedule for a bigger responsibility coming my way. I have not approached it as a dark pit into which i have fallen but as a shore seeing being alone as a new creature making a home for itself. Sometimes its good to be alone. It makes you think, imply and correct yourself to become a far stronger and better person.