The King of Marijuana

The truth in her eyes was unbearable. I had no other way, I was out of options. I had to do it. I had to pull the trigger. So I did.

The strange port town of Goa, Computer wallpaper sunsets and cute couples on the beach. I wonder, when would my turn come? When I would sit on the beach with my gal and just listen to her talk about any random thing possible. At the end that could not happen. I get a call.  “Varun, where are you?” “Miramar”, “Boss is calling”.  That was the call of enough day dreaming. No one would follow a guy like me who walked in a path which was dark and cruel. 

 Scene 1- “The Panji Club”

All the revelry takes place here in goa. Its not like the rave parties you see in movies which happen on the beach. Here you find drugged and raped women and men lying on the floor hopeless, waiting for someone to pick them up from the abyss. The river of booze never stops as the glacier melts forever. I go to the roof, where the boss stays. He has the best view in Goa, surrounded by coconut trees and a beach in front of him.

“50000” says the boss.

“For what”?

“Pick up this girl, she’s maal from Mumbai. She’s highly important, take her around goa, show her the sight s and drop her at Canaguinim.”

“Ask Canny to do it”

“He’ll fuck her and sell her, I already got paid; do as I said”

“Ok boss”.

So I go to Panjim Bus stand, waiting for this unknown girl. It’s 7 and I can’t wait any longer.

Its 9:00. I start the engine and I hear a knock at the boot. I see a strange girl from the rear view mirror.  I tell her to open it. She’s put her big suitcase inside and she opens the door. I thought she’d be a hooker or an emotional pimp. She smelt good.

Scene 2: The beach.

Its night so I take her to my guest house in Dona Paula, we haven’t spoken and she smells for weed. She crashes on the bed and I am left to sleep on the sofa.

Its morning and someone is standing right over me.

“Let’s go to the beach.” “I said fuck off, its early morning”. The bitch kicked me in the nuts.

I pushed her off the bed. I took out my gun and I was about to give her flesh wound, just then I realized that she was a high price item.

We went to the beach, she played in the water and she rolled up a joint and was floating. She offered me some of her stash but I refused. She insisted so I couldn’t refuse. I took it in and the entire view of the beach and the horizon turned upside down. I could see little specks of bright light flashing in front of me. I asked her what she had given me. She said its special maal from Mumbai. I was floating on the water along with her and for the first time I felt happy, I was laughing out of no reason. The blue sky became black and I could see the stars. I couldn’t feel the water entering my clothes. I could hear myself and her laugh. I was tripping on some trippy shit.

To be continued.

 

In the air and at peace

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If something is troubling you now
If you think you are let down by yourself
See the world and think
How many people have what you have?
The world can change with a blink
If you wish to see it that way
If the world is that gay
Then tell them problems nay
And flee away
Or face them, conquer them and see the light
At the end of it all, we all want a fair fight
We all want that one right
To be at peace without being bothered
To be in love and get all smothered
You can do that you know,
Its not something anyone could show
The most simplest of tasks it is in the world
Hidden, that deep inner beauty, which are present in only a few
All you have to do
Is be yourself, be you
Roy

Letting Go

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I’m in this maze of vines and leaves
Struggling as they pull and heave
To the very dark below
Where they make you so grim and hollow
With nothing left to show
With nothing left to take
All you have to do is let go…
They want it out
They want what you know
They will make you shout
But don’t let go
If you wish to tell the tale
Do not get stuck by their nail
Break loose and go away
See the boat by the bay
Grab the rope and the row
Life will find a way
Hang on tight and don’t let go
Roy

Dog in the mud

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No one’s going to care for a
Dog in the mud
They don’t give damn
If your a genius or a stud
There’s a different language spoken
Your off a different species
Diseased blood
There are no bonds with no defences
No home with no fences
Electrified, petrified, taken away
Mysterious occurences
Your a dog in the mud
If you give what they want and you let them say
Say what they want to say, pulling you down in every way
Sleep in the cold, do as your told
Boy i think there’s no other way
Wipe off that mud on everyone’s back
They’d run away from you
And you’ll be on your track
To bring something new
Something true
I was a dog in the mud
How about you?
Roy

Patched up wings of a Butterfly

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I think we are creatures of the dark. What’s the problem with the dark? Just because its black it means its negative? Do you know how many good deeds go down the road to end up becoming nightmare’s to others? I don’t know, i’m just saying. So if you haven’t caught my point yet i’l explain to you in the form of a small little story. 

I was against the monsters in the world who were nothing but trash. I was trash i can proudly say that. Because you can proudly say anything once you know deep down inside that you are not going to go back there again. I treated my love like a child because i was one, immature feelings got the better of me. It happens. The first love and all. But as time passes by, you tend to feel a huge burden on you, a burden of guilt, these nightmares, these uncomfortable spaces cramping up to you in the largest of fields. What the hell is this doc? Its your conscience telling you that you have to go back there and finish what you started. Like a blessing in disguise, she replies to my message after 4 months when i thought about this and i took that as a sign. Not a sign for getting back or re-kindling any sort of spark (that’s fate and you don’t want to mess with it). But a sign to make me think straight and work better and live better. It might be the most stupidest feeling or the most not thought about feeling but my dear folks, its the most important feeling you would ever have. This feeling was never there continuously, it comes and goes during some moments. Four years is a pretty long time. But when i actually spoke to her about it, asking for forgiveness, i don’t know if she did or what, but i felt a whole lot better manning up to her and doing so. Maybe she might have been proud or didn’t give a damn ( it’s freewill for god’s sake) but i sure as hell felt a lot better. I think i overcame my biggest fear and strengthened my self against my biggest weakness, not that she was my biggest weakness, but the fact of guilt residing in me was. I met her, and it was just like old times, talking to an old friend where it was paused for a long time. 

Thank you so much. 

 

Nature’s Call

Nature's Call

A bit of an adventure, fighting these eagle around me. Bearing the stench, bearing the heat! My head was going for a toss. I was about to faint! I actually gave up, i didn’t want to continue taking pictures anymore, this was the moment of my life; so what did i do? I focused on this eagle coming towards me. Flapping its big wide wings, going through my soul, liberating me from my fear, the fear of failing. My animal spirit. I found it, gliding beside me reminding me that its okay to fail. Fail and see what you did not achieve and break hell and grab it! Enjoy that success.
A whole new adventure begins now.
Because sometimes you need to go out there on your own, with no one to help but yourself. That’s how you are worthy of greatness. That you can cry on your shoulder and be humble enough to offer that to the people in need. Greatness is born from the very dust and water in the air and earth. Embrace who you truly are and break all barriers to achieve it!